The Comedy Tribune

There are a handful of comedy-writing jobs out there. I was one of the lucky few, having written for one of Canada’s longest-running comedy series: This Hour Has 22 Minutes. I’ve been fortunate enough to work in this industry for…wow, almost 15 years.

So in that time, I’ve been able to learn quite a few lessons. And as it turns out, there are some I’m still learning.

So here you go! The Comedy Tribune’s first listicle (I think)! A point of pride for this guy.

LESSON #1: EAT SHIT (AND LOVE IT)

Okay. So that’s a bit brash. What I actually mean is work a lot. And don’t expect a whole ton in return. That’s just how most comedy careers start.

Before I was hired for my first writing gig, I was in a sketch group called The Sketchersons. We did a weekly show called Sunday Night Live, modelled after Saturday Night Live. We wrote and performed a new show almost every week. It was gruelling, we didn’t get paid and we had a lot of fun. It will always be one of my fave experiences, despite the ups-and-downs that come with being with such a large group of talented folk.

I wanted to be the news anchor on the Weekend Update portion of the show, because I loved Norm MacDonald and I thought it’d be good to work that joke-writing muscle. As it turns out, joke-writing pays off in spades. I was soon hired on to write for a late-night pilot. It was an immense amount of fun and I couldn’t believe that I was actually making money doing it! Ultimately, the pilot did not get picked up, but the opportunity soon lead to more opportunities.

LESSON #2: DON’T REST ON YOUR LAURELS

If I’m being honest, I’ve not only rested on my laurels, I’ve been fucking comatose on them, too.

After I was let go from my first major gig, I got the idea that I was set. I don’t know why I thought that, but I figured I could just sit back and wait for the inevitable call from my agent telling me that she’s been fielding so many offers. It was a healthy combo of delusion, laziness and no real idea of how the business works. I had about ten thousand bucks in my bank account, so I figured I didn’t have to give too many damns about finding work. So I used that time to hunker down, write a bunch of scripts and take a lot of meetings.

With the cast of This Hour Has 22 Minutes

Or rather, that’s what I wished I did. Instead, I just played a bunch of Ratchet and Crank on PS2, hit up bars and ate late-night pizzas for three straight months until I was absolutely broke. (Not to mention undernourished.)

For the first time in my five years of paying rent, I didn’t know how I was going to pay for it. My friend Dan got me a job as a prep chef at Wayne Gretzky’s, where I was pretty much useless. I mean, they assigned me to cleaning mussels because I couldn’t fucking do anything else right. I couldn’t even make red pepper hummus! All I had to do was throw hummus and red pepper into a giant mixer! What the hell.

I remember scraping barnacles off of one very needy mussel and thinking: I was writing for a national TV show and living my dream. How the hell did I end up back here?

It’s a sobering moment. But…

LESSON #3: THERE IS NO SHAME IN GETTING A DAY JOB TO KEEP DOING WHAT YOU LOVE

I started writing and contributing scripts for Comedy Inc. It paid okay, but I had to pay a bunch of money for a root canal, so I was back in debt deep. I was able to get a job at a company that rented out event equipment, like tables, chairs and ornate set pieces. Other comics worked on this job. We’d spend the days setting up and tearing down and I kinda liked the physical labour, since it was so rare in my life. It was a fun way to make some cash, earn my beer, and hang out with buds.

Because I was working on Comedy Inc., I got invited to the CTV upfronts. It was a cool experience. I drank free booze, ate tiny burgers, bummed a cigarette off of an actor from CSI: New York… man, I was on top! And this was the first year of Degrassi: The Next Generation so all those actors were milling about… soooooo, I think I can say I partied with Drake.

But I had to leave early. I needed to get back home, get changed and hurry to work because I was on the job that night tearing down pieces for an event... that I was just at. Oh God. My stomach trembled as I neared the venue that I was just hobnobbing at mere hours ago. The cast of the show was hanging out on the patio too, so I had to pass them going into the building and back out. I tried hiding my face, looking away as if I was distracted by something off to the distance.

Of course, the cast recognized me. I was embarrassed. One of the cast members said: “Don’t feel bad. We’ve been there. It’s the industry. You gotta do what you gotta do.” This is a good thing to remember. Anyone who tries to humiliate someone for getting a day job because they’ve hit a lull in their career is a dick. Ask Geoffrey Owens.

LESSON #4: DO YOUR TAXES

I know this is old man advice, but that’s what Jordan Peterson does and he’s a goddamned millionaire.

When I started making more money, I kinda completely forgot that I wasn’t getting taxed on it AND I had an HST number. So when tax time came around, I took my sweet time doing it and before I knew it, I owed the government… about three times what my OSAP was. So… don’t be a jackass with your money like I was. Because goddammit, that was a lot of money I didn’t know I was losing.

LESSON #5: A RAISE IS SOMETHING YOU DESERVE

After I worked on 22 for three or four years, I got a nice raise. But I did not feel nice. In fact, my anxiety levels were at an all-time high. All I could think was: “I don’t think I’m going to be able to live up to this paycheck.” Not exactly how one would normally react to a raise, but then again, it was the first time in my life that I got one. Nonetheless, I was psyching myself out and devaluing my work like crazy.

It wasn’t until my girlfriend at the time wisely told me that a raise meant that they liked the work I was doing. It wasn’t a challenge. It was a reward for what I’ve done. It was a nice epiphany. I still wrote like mad and stressed myself out too much, but viewing raises as a reward and not an expectation helped to not add that to the dogged pile.

BONUS LESSON #6: LEARN THE CREW MEMBERS’ NAMES

This is less about your career and more about being a decent human being. Because honestly, the set design, the props masters, the carpenters, the audio department, the key grips, the lighting guys, the switchers, the hair and wardrobe and everyone else is doing their damnedest to make your work look good. The least you could do is learn their names.

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I’ve been fortunate enough to have the career I have, even with its hills and valleys. I’ve been able to put a down payment on a house with jokes! It’s crazy to think about and I don’t take it for granted.

But there are still a lot more failures to endure and humilities to humble myself with. The lessons never stop coming. As long as I have the wherewithal to learn from them.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta get back to these fucking tax receipts.

Bob Kerr - @MrBobKerr